I Need More Than “It Was Fine”
Our 6-year-old son, N, has been dying to play baseball for over a year, so he was thrilled when baseball evaluations finally arrived. Fred agreed to take him while I stayed home with the other two kids.
I’ve always been a huge baseball fan. Thoughts of our son’s playing in the Big League began to dance in my head. I could hardly contain my excitement.
When I heard Fred’s car pull into the driveway, I dashed to the back door anxious to hear all of the details from N’s first Field of Dreams adventure.
My much anticipated debriefing went like this:
“It was fine.”
Really? Was that all the information I was going to get?
I tried to be patient, hoping he would volunteer the details rather than make me extract them like rotten teeth.
I waited and waited.
Nothing.
He was more tight-lipped than a vegetarian at a cattle ranchers convention.
When my patience wore thin, I switched into reporter mode, lobbing 100 questions to get the who, what, when, where, how and why of the story, which he eventually supplied in as few words as humanly possible.
This was hardly the first time I got the “it’s fine” treatment. Frequently when hubby takes the kids out, goes on business trips or does anything without me, all I get is a bare-boned account of what went down.
Thanks to technology and my frequent complaints, “it’s fine” is sometimes accompanied by a snapshot sent from his cellphone. I guess he figures that a picture is worth a thousand words – and since it seems unlikely that I’ll ever get those thousand words, I’ll take what I can get.
Still, I’m going to keep hope alive that one day he’ll realize that whether we’re talking about baseball tryouts or a trip to Target, the real enjoyment comes from the intimacy of time spent connecting with my spouse.
- Kim
Get to the Point
Many nights, I crawl into bed around 11:00 p.m. Since I have to get up at 5:00 am on weekdays, this gives me about 6 hours of sleep. However, Kim always seems to be the most talkative around 11:10 pm. – thus leaving me with a serious quandary: Do I fall asleep or do I engage in a late conversation with my wife? Many nights, I opt for sleep.
Like most men, I’m not very verbal. I say what needs to be said and nothing more. It drives Kim crazy when she asks me a questions and I give her monosyllabic responses. Here’s a typical conversation:
Kim: How was your meeting with the Pope?
Me: Fine.
Kim: What did you talk about?
Me: Stuff.
Kim: Would you like me to strangle you?
Me: No.
I’ve come to realize that women use words to build intimacy and trust. Therefore, I strive to do better. I’ve actually progressed to responding with whole sentences.
On the flip side, I get frustrated when Kim rambles on when all I want her to do is get to the point.
Me: Hey, honey. What was the final score in the Lakers-Rockets game?
Kim: Well it started with Kobe hitting three 3-pointers in a row. And then, the Rockets scored 10 unanswered points. Wait, did I tell you about the new outfit I got? You’ll love it. That reminds me. We have to get a babysitter because we have a date night on Friday. What did you have for lunch today?
To make our conversations more fulfilling, I’ve agreed to add more details, and Kim has agreed to give me the abridged version.
Now those late night chats are worth staying awake for.
- Fred
Questions: How is your communication with your spouse or signigicant other? What have you done to improve it?
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