How Did The Dude Get in There?
Opening a Netflix envelope in my house is like staying in a two-star hotel: you never know what you’re going to get.
Of course, this is the exact opposite of how Netflix is supposed to work. In a normal household, a person selects the movie she wants to see, and then a few days later that movie arrives in the mail. Unfortunately we have a glitch in our system. Its name is Fred.
Fred proposed switching to Netflix about a year ago because Blockbuster was threatening to kill our marriage. O.K. it wasn’t that serious, but we never could seem to agree on what to watch. Plus we were going to need a second mortgage to keep up with the late fees. Netflix seemed like the perfect solution.
We huddled around the computer one night and filled our queue with dozens of movies. Hubby picked films he wanted to see, invariably some off-kilter comedies, (re: “Be Kind, Rewind,”) then I would add my favorite romantic comedies or overwrought dramas. It was a fair system, I thought, until mystery movies started arriving in the mail.
Me: Honey, when did we agree to see “The Big Lebowski?” I thought “The Changeling” was next.
Fred: No hablo ingles.
But worse than hubby’s covert queue shuffling, is that we never can find time to watch the movies. By the time we get three kids to bed and clean the kitchen, neither of us can fathom staying awake for another two (and sometimes three) hours to watch a movie. Suddenly that cheap $4.99 monthly fee becomes very expensive.
Most nights, we end up settling for a free OnDemand episode of “The Office,” which ends up being a better deal for our wallets and our marriage.
- Kim
I Hate Hugh Grant
After money, Netflix is probably the leading cause of divorce.
Control of the queue often leads to power struggles, arguments, and ultimately separate Netflix accounts. Many happy marriages have been destroyed by “The English Patient.”
I set up a Netflix account because Kim and I enjoy watching movies. We load the DVD player, snuggle on the couch, and spend two hours of uninterrupted couple time.
But getting to that happy place is complicated.
Initially, I had total control of the Netflix queue. I set up the account. I picked the movies. I was king of the queue. All was right in the world until Kim uttered these dreaded words: “Hey, honey. How do I access our Netflix account?”
All of a sudden, my Netflix account became our Netflix account. I reluctantly gave her the password and prayed for the best.
Unfortunately my prayers went unanswered because my, excuse me, our Netflix queue was suddenly filled with movies about butterflies, flowers, and happy little princesses (all starring Hugh Grant).
We eventually agreed that we would take turns selecting movies. First I’d pick then she’d pick and so on. After enduring duds such as “In the Land of Women” and “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan,” we realized that we had to reevaluate the process.
Now we each have a right of refusal. If one of us sees a movie on the queue that we simply cannot bear to watch, it is deleted. No questions asked (actually, there is much debate, but we eventually agree).
This process worked fine until someone messed it all up by resorting the queue’s order. Okay, it was me, but I did it for the greater good. A guy can only watch so many chick flicks before he wants to hurl himself off the roof. Besides, I was only trying to expand Kim’s movie tastes. That’s what husbands are supposed to do, right? *crickets*
Well, I doubt that we will ever resolve our Netflix issues. I’m just glad that our marriage is built on a strong foundation – one that even Hugh Grant can’t destroy.
- Fred
Popularity: 18% [?]
