Building a Forever Marriage
Despite two layers of clothes, a sleeping bag and blanket, I was still cold on my recent Girl Scout camping trip. Yet those frigid conditions weren’t what kept me awake, instead it was a conversation I had with my cabin mate.
While making small talk that night, she shared that she’s been married for 29 years. She and her husband were high school sweethearts who got married during their freshmen year in college (and it wasn’t a shotgun wedding).
How could this be?
I was taught – and had started teaching my kids — that the quickest way to wind up unhappy in your marriage was to get married young. My folks drilled into my sister and me the importance of independence through college and a job first, and marriage second. (According to a recent Houston Chronicle article, my family wasn’t alone in teaching this value).
Yet this woman, who still tenderly refers to her husband as her best friend and who says she’s never gone a day without talking to him (which is a feat considering he is frequently overseas on mission trips) is living proof that happily ever after is possible for teen brides and grooms.
After more discussion with my camping buddy, I discovered how she found happiness in her marriage: she had some good examples to follow. In her family, happily married couples were the rule not the exception.
Her parents have been married for decades and her in-laws married the day after they graduated from high school and are still married today. Through their lives they demonstrated the importance of faith, marriage and family above all else.
So in the future I won’t be preaching marrying age to my kids, instead I’ll focus on having the kind of quality, forever marriage they can emulate.
- Kim
A Tradition of Marriage
While driving my daughter and her friend on a recent outing, Kim mostly ignored the conversation until the little girl said, “In my family, it is a tradition for dads to leave when the baby is 3-months old.” The little girl’s grandparents were divorced, and her statement made it clear that divorce was as common as childbirth in her family.
I was flabbergasted and saddened when Kim conveyed this story to me. What a terrible tradition to pass on to each generation. The more I thought about what the little girl said, the more I realized that my family also had a tradition of divorce.
My parents divorced when I was around four or five. Over the years, I watched several of my aunts’ and uncles’ marriages dissolve.
Kim’s family experienced the same divorce rates. We knew we had to break that tradition.
First, we made a commitment to never divorce. That one was easier said than done. We have been on the brink of divorce, but we managed to resolve our issues through counseling, prayer, and communication.
We also seek other married couples for encouragement, inspiration, and support. There is a couple that attends church with us that has been married for 29 years. What’s more impressive is that both sets of their parents have been married for over 50 years. For their family, staying married is a tradition.
In addition, the longest married living couple is an African-American couple that has been together for 85 years. I only mention their race because they defy the statistics on black marriages.
These couples give Kim and I hope that it is possible to end the tradition of divorce and start a new tradition of lifetime commitment.
- Fred
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