Respect is a Key Ingredient in Marriage

R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out What it Means to Me

I was surprised recently when I discovered that Otis Redding wrote and sang the original version of Aretha Franklin’s anthem “Respect.” But once I really listened to the lyrics, my shock disappeared because Redding’s words sound a whole lot like my husband’s…

All I want you to do for me
Is give me some respect when you get home

In the past, I assumed that the most important thing to a man was sex in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong sex is in the top two or three priorities, but my husband assures me (and my pastor, marriage counselor and Bible confirm) that respect is number one.

Now I’m not talking about some antiquated subservient kind of respect. Fred doesn’t want me to walk three steps behind him or speak only when spoken to. But on the other hand, the modern version of the American family that we see on television every night isn’t right either. The whole notion that men, once married, are hen-pecked morons that women should humor and attempt to domesticate (kind of like you do a pig) is a slippery slope that will land you in Divorce Court.

What’s unfortunate is that women like Rielle Hunter, John Edwards’ mistress, seem to get this – and too many married women don’t.

In a recent GQ article, the notorious Hunter says that women need to let men be men and stop emasculating them. While I don’t in any way condone Edwards’ cruel infidelity, I do think we as wives need to be aware that if we fall into the trap of husband-bashing and micromanaging our spouse’s every move, we’ll open the door to the Miss Hunters of the world.

Admittedly, it is a daily struggle to allow my husband to be head of our household and not second-guess his decisions. But it is worth it because our marriage is stronger and healthier today than ever.

Besides I’d much rather have Fred be my man than my fourth child.

- Kim

Respect Makes Men Strong

Most men have a deep desire to feel respected. If you ask a group of 100 men if they’d rather be respected or liked, 90% of them would say respected.

I’ve seen many boys (and men) get into fights because they believed another guy disrespected them. This aggression seems illogical at first glance, but when you understand how important respect is to men, then you will realize why men will go to any length to earn and maintain respect.

I have a great need to feel respected especially from my wife. She is the person whose opinion means the most to me and I need her respect to make me feel strong. Now let me clarify what I mean by respect. I don’t expect Kim to bow at feet or walk 10 paces behind me – that’s reverence, not respect. Respect is something given freely and is based on love and honor.

Here are the ways that Kim lets me know that she respects me:

• She affirms me – Kim makes me feel as if I can do anything. She constantly encourages me and lifts me up. Even if I’m off in left field, she brings me back to reality with nurturing words.
• She compliments me – Kim has a way of peppering everyday conversations with compliments. She’ll say things like, “I liked the way you cleaned the garage,” or “dinner was yummy. Thanks for cooking.” Her simple affirmations motivate me to continue doing these things and make me love her more.
• She seeks my advice – Men love to fix things and solve problems. When Kim asks my opinion on something and actually applies the advice I’ve given her, I feel much closer and connected to her. It shows that she values my opinion.

I’ve seen many women who yell at, nag, and belittle their husbands. No man is going to respond to these tactics. They are disrespectful and ineffective. They cause men withdraw and these tactics drive a wedge in the relationship. A man who doesn’t receive respect from his wife is a man who begins to wither on the inside.

Of course husbands must show their wives the same level of respect. I work hard to ensure that I never humiliate, degrade, or insult my wife. I must build her up in order for her to build me up.

And when she builds me up, I feel as if I can conquer the world.

- Fred

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