Physical Touch is More Than Sex
Years ago we, took Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages workshop. What I received from this class was further proof that Men are from Mars and Women are From Venus.
This assumption grew even stronger when I saw my hubby’s results. His primary love language was physical touch, which to me meant one thing: he wants more sex. I could have skipped the workshop and told everyone that from the get go.
However, it wasn’t until we had our middle son, N, that I began to understand my husband’s real needs.
N is my love bug. He thrives on physical touch. Nothing makes him happier than to give and receive hugs and kisses. It’s kind of sad to watch him chase his 2-year-old brother around the house, begging for a hug (he gave up on receiving any affection from his big sister long ago). When someone (usually me) finally obliges him, he covers that person in a shower of smooches and embraces her with all 55 of his pounds.
N has taught me how to speak Fred’s true love language. Yes, I’m sure hubby wouldn’t mind turning up the heat in our bedroom, but I’ve finally come to understand that physical touch is much more than that.
So now during prayer at church or when we’re watching “The Office” on the couch or just when we’re walking along, I reach for his hand. I also initiate almost as many hugs and kisses as I receive.
I may never be as fluent in Fred’s love language as he’d like, but at least I now know how to say I love you in the way he understands.
- Kim
Service is the Key to Love
Studies have shown that romantic love lasts 18-30 months. That is why many couples are disillusioned when they discover that they’ve lost that lovin’ feelin.’ Add work demands, children and the stresses of daily life and romance can become a distant memory.
But romance is only one aspect of love. In order to make love last forever, couples must invest time and effort. One way to achieve this goal is to discover your spouse’s love language. According to marriage guru Gary Chapman, we all identify primarily with one of five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
The interesting thing about love love languages is that husbands and wives hardly ever share the same one. While my love language is physical touch, Kim’s is acts of service. The words she most wants to hear are “I’ll take care of that for you, honey.”
Every time I wash the dishes, hang a photo, take out the garbage, or give her some quiet time away from the kids, I’m making deposits in Kim’s love bank. But sometimes, I end up making withdrawals. When I’m lazy, break my commitments, and make more work for her, I’m implicitly saying that her feelings don’t matter.
In order to continue making deposits, I try to set deadlines for when I will complete tasks and I communicate these self-imposed deadlines to Kim. But I still need Kim to give me gentle reminders periodically because I am easily distracted. SQUIRREL. Wait what was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Staying focused on serving my wife.
By learning and speaking each other’s love language, Kim and I have moved beyond romantic love into a deeper form of love – agape, which means self-sacrifice for the benefit of another. And we intend build on this foundation as our love continues to grow.
- Fred
Questions: What is your love language? What is your spouses love language? How do speak his/her language? (take the assessment)
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