Marriage Requires Higher Education

A School for Marriage

Marriage was the last thing on my mind when I was an undergrad at Howard University.

I loved to hang out with my friends and go on dates, and the only weighty subjects on my mind were internships  and maintaining my GPA. So I wonder if my college had offered a course on marriage as the other HU (Hampton University) is currently doing, if I would’ve taken it.

Probably not.  Back then, I was a marriage know it all. My childhood wasn’t exactly sheltered, so I knew many of the pitfalls of broken relationships, and I figured as long as I steered clear of those hazards and had a “good” man, I’d be fine.

Little did I know that I needed a “Marriage for Dummies” book. Just because you’ve been around married people or watched couples on TV, it doesn’t make you a marriage expert. In fact, it probably makes you as clueless as I was.

The Hampton University class, which started in response to the depressing stats on black marriage (only 29 percent of black children lived with their married parents in 2008), is designed to help fill in the blanks that many of us have when it comes to creating a healthy, happy union.

While some of the tips seem like no brainers (non-violent interactions and effective communication), others aren’t. I had no idea that my little seven year renewal plan for our marriage was actually undercutting the core value to any marriage – that we were going to stay together no matter what. And  I knew nothing about the importance of spiritual as well as emotional intimacy with Fred.

Perhaps the next step for Hampton is getting those classes off the university campus and into our communities. I can think of at least two “older students” who need to sign up.

- Kim

Getting a Driver’s License is Harder than Getting a Marriage License

I failed my driving test twice before I received my driver’s license. The funny thing was that I aced the written part of the exam. It was the hands-on-part that I failed.

Speeding in a school zone did me in the first time and parallel parking the second.

Looking back on this experience, I can pinpoint the reason why it took me so many tries to earn my driver’s license. I never took a driver’s education course.

If I had taken a course, I would have probably learned the skills I needed to pass the test the first time. Instead I chose to rely on my own limited knowledge of driving to pass the test.

I find it odd that we have to take an exam to receive a driver’s license, but there is no exam required for a marriage license. Any couple can walk into a Las Vegas chapel and walk out as man and wife within an hour.

I thought I knew all I needed to know when I got married. I observed other marriages and learned a few dos and don’ts. I believed that when I fell in love it would be forever. But love is a fickle thing and is not enough to make a marriage work.

Studies show that couples who learn proven relationship skills and increase their understanding of each other before marriage have happier, stronger marriages that last.

Although Kim and I went through pre-marital counseling, we didn’t take it seriously. It was one thing that we needed to check off on our wedding planning to-do list.

That’s why I was pleased when I read about the marriage course at Hampton University. While I cannot vouch for the course’s quality, I do believe that it can help young people learn about real issues that arise in marriages and give them some tools to deal with them.

Since we’ve been married, Kim and I have been to several marriage courses, but I wonder how much better our marriage could have been if we learned how to do it right from the start.

- Fred

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