Comments on: The Grass Isn’t Always as Green as It Seems http://www.makingitlastforever.com/2010/07/09/the-grass-isnt-always-as-green-as-it-seems/ Sat, 28 Jan 2012 14:25:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: Kgoodall http://www.makingitlastforever.com/2010/07/09/the-grass-isnt-always-as-green-as-it-seems/comment-page-1/#comment-215 Kgoodall Mon, 19 Jul 2010 19:26:17 +0000 http://www.makingitlastforever.com/?p=244#comment-215 I would definitely find a church home. While your husband may not go with you immediately, you will find the encouragement that you need for your soul not to mention resources that may help you and your marriage. I would definitely find a church home. While your husband may not go with you immediately, you will find the encouragement that you need for your soul not to mention resources that may help you and your marriage.

]]> By: Guest http://www.makingitlastforever.com/2010/07/09/the-grass-isnt-always-as-green-as-it-seems/comment-page-1/#comment-214 Guest Mon, 19 Jul 2010 19:00:31 +0000 http://www.makingitlastforever.com/?p=244#comment-214 A few weeks ago I tried what you said about making him feel like he's already acting like the man of my dreams and it got me nowhere. I told him I wanted to get back into church again and he told me to do what I wanted but he wasn't going. This morning he got up with our 2 year old. He was up with him for an hour before I got up and hadn't even changed his diaper yet. When I say something to him about it, I'm the one in the wrong. I've seriously been beat down mentally and emotionally and can't take much more. A few weeks ago I tried what you said about making him feel like he's already acting like the man of my dreams and it got me nowhere. I told him I wanted to get back into church again and he told me to do what I wanted but he wasn't going. This morning he got up with our 2 year old. He was up with him for an hour before I got up and hadn't even changed his diaper yet. When I say something to him about it, I'm the one in the wrong. I've seriously been beat down mentally and emotionally and can't take much more.

]]> By: Kgoodall http://www.makingitlastforever.com/2010/07/09/the-grass-isnt-always-as-green-as-it-seems/comment-page-1/#comment-213 Kgoodall Mon, 19 Jul 2010 09:34:07 +0000 http://www.makingitlastforever.com/?p=244#comment-213 I try really hard not to spend too much time second guessing myself. Hopefully you married your husband because you loved him, and it's not too late for you to have the marriage you want.<br>I have two pieces of advice: first, contentment in your marriage starts with you. Are you being a loving wife or are you waiting for him to "get his act together" before you treat him with love, affection and respect? Try treating him as if he already were behaving like the man of your dreams and see if some of his behavior doesn't start to change.<br>Secondly, get some couples counseling. Sometimes your husband cannot be corrected by you. He needs to hear from an impartial, trusted adult that he's out of line -- and calling your wife the "b" word is clearly out of line in my book. I realize that spouses can be reluctant to pay for or even go to counseling. So there may be some more informal ways to get this whether it's from a paid professional marriage counselor or from an older, trusted married couple at your church or from your clergy.<br>With prayer, outside help and internal change, you can have the greener lawn you're looking for because I guarantee if you go shopping for a new yard you'll find it has a few weeds of its own. I try really hard not to spend too much time second guessing myself. Hopefully you married your husband because you loved him, and it's not too late for you to have the marriage you want.
I have two pieces of advice: first, contentment in your marriage starts with you. Are you being a loving wife or are you waiting for him to “get his act together” before you treat him with love, affection and respect? Try treating him as if he already were behaving like the man of your dreams and see if some of his behavior doesn't start to change.
Secondly, get some couples counseling. Sometimes your husband cannot be corrected by you. He needs to hear from an impartial, trusted adult that he's out of line — and calling your wife the “b” word is clearly out of line in my book. I realize that spouses can be reluctant to pay for or even go to counseling. So there may be some more informal ways to get this whether it's from a paid professional marriage counselor or from an older, trusted married couple at your church or from your clergy.
With prayer, outside help and internal change, you can have the greener lawn you're looking for because I guarantee if you go shopping for a new yard you'll find it has a few weeds of its own.

]]> By: guest http://www.makingitlastforever.com/2010/07/09/the-grass-isnt-always-as-green-as-it-seems/comment-page-1/#comment-212 guest Sat, 17 Jul 2010 19:27:39 +0000 http://www.makingitlastforever.com/?p=244#comment-212 I've been struggling lately. My husband and I got married after doing a long distance relationship for 3 years. Out of those 3 years we only spent about 8 weeks together. Did we jump into things? The things that come out of his mouth bother me. He doesn't think and therefore ends up hurting me. And some of the things he says could make a stripper blush. I'm so sick of his immaturity and I've told him about it. When I say something to him about it he tell me to quit being a b***h or that I need to get on medication. I've tried. I've also tried to explain to him how I feel calmly but it doesn't matter. Even his parents get on him about the way he acts but nothing's changed. I try to tell myself that the grass isn't always greener on the other side but I'm finding it harder and harder to believe it. I've been struggling lately. My husband and I got married after doing a long distance relationship for 3 years. Out of those 3 years we only spent about 8 weeks together. Did we jump into things? The things that come out of his mouth bother me. He doesn't think and therefore ends up hurting me. And some of the things he says could make a stripper blush. I'm so sick of his immaturity and I've told him about it. When I say something to him about it he tell me to quit being a b***h or that I need to get on medication. I've tried. I've also tried to explain to him how I feel calmly but it doesn't matter. Even his parents get on him about the way he acts but nothing's changed. I try to tell myself that the grass isn't always greener on the other side but I'm finding it harder and harder to believe it.

]]> By: Amber http://www.makingitlastforever.com/2010/07/09/the-grass-isnt-always-as-green-as-it-seems/comment-page-1/#comment-211 Amber Fri, 16 Jul 2010 21:23:31 +0000 http://www.makingitlastforever.com/?p=244#comment-211 Great post, and very true. <br><br>If your not happy with what you have then work hard to make it better. Going out to "find" better is not the answer!<br>I have been in the same place a few years back, and I'm glad I didn't choose to leave. I love my hubby and the life we have worked hard to make for ourselves and our kids. I'm equally as happy that he didn't choose to leave himself. It has been very rough at times but very worth the work and struggle to have the life we have now, as a happy family. Great post, and very true.

If your not happy with what you have then work hard to make it better. Going out to “find” better is not the answer!
I have been in the same place a few years back, and I'm glad I didn't choose to leave. I love my hubby and the life we have worked hard to make for ourselves and our kids. I'm equally as happy that he didn't choose to leave himself. It has been very rough at times but very worth the work and struggle to have the life we have now, as a happy family.

]]> By: mochadad http://www.makingitlastforever.com/2010/07/09/the-grass-isnt-always-as-green-as-it-seems/comment-page-1/#comment-210 mochadad Mon, 12 Jul 2010 22:45:48 +0000 http://www.makingitlastforever.com/?p=244#comment-210 Doing the best we can with what we have is all we can do. Doing the best we can with what we have is all we can do.

]]> By: Cheryl http://www.makingitlastforever.com/2010/07/09/the-grass-isnt-always-as-green-as-it-seems/comment-page-1/#comment-209 Cheryl Sun, 11 Jul 2010 18:25:54 +0000 http://www.makingitlastforever.com/?p=244#comment-209 I never wanted marriage, never thought it was necessary to have a state-sanctioned union. I didn't know how much difference that level of commitment would bring. I have single friends who react to my annoyance with my husband with disbelief that I would stay married when things aren't going well. What they don't understand is that when I'm upset or annoyed, it has absolutely nothing to do with him. It's in me. The lack of acceptance of what is and what I can't change is mine, not his. I remember the time I visited here, I wished my husband and I could be so open and honest with each other. It didn't take me long to realize we did the best we could with what we had. I never wanted marriage, never thought it was necessary to have a state-sanctioned union. I didn't know how much difference that level of commitment would bring. I have single friends who react to my annoyance with my husband with disbelief that I would stay married when things aren't going well. What they don't understand is that when I'm upset or annoyed, it has absolutely nothing to do with him. It's in me. The lack of acceptance of what is and what I can't change is mine, not his. I remember the time I visited here, I wished my husband and I could be so open and honest with each other. It didn't take me long to realize we did the best we could with what we had.

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