If Only I Knew Then What I Know Now…
It’s hard to believe that 13 years have passed since we said “I do.” It seems like yesterday that we were newlyweds, trying to merge households and lives.
The reality, however, is that much has changed since that sweet day. We have three beautiful children and many memories – some wonderful, some not so much. I realize that each of those days, the happy ones and the hard ones have made us who we are today. Yet if I could talk to my 24-year-old self, I would want to share a few things, though Lord only knows if I would listen considering I was something of a know it all:
Dear Kim:
- Stop sweating the small stuff. I know it sounds cliché, but it is true. Trust me: Fred is never going to put the cap on the toothpaste or put the seat down on the toilet. Learn to accept those little aggravations, so you can spend less time fussing and more time enjoying life together.
- Travel. I know you’re worried that Simba, your pet cat, will not survive a few days in the kennel, but you’ll have bigger complications in a few years. Vacation in Jamaica or even Cancun while you can. It doesn’t really matter where you go, just as long as you go. You and Fred need to spend more time relishing your newlywed years.
- Find a church home. Stop holding out for the perfect worship experience. You just need to find somewhere to fellowship and grow with other believers. So many problems can be avoided if you have a solid footing in the word of God. Let the Bible and not your past teach you what a loving marriage should look like.
- Make your marriage a priority. After your relationship with God, your marriage to Fred has to come first. Ignore the phone for a minute, skip a few work functions and grade some of your papers at work instead of at home. Your man needs to know how important he is to you.
Sincerely,
An Older, Wiser and Happier Me
- Kim
Enjoy The Wife of Your Youth
Dear Fred,
Congratulations on your wedding. I’m so proud of you for making this lifelong commitment. But I need you to understand that today is not the end of your journey. It is only the beginning.
I’ve been down this road and I want to share a few words of advice with you.
Always let your wife know how much you appreciate her and never take her for granted. The Bible says, “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” Make her believe that she is the best thing that ever happened to you through your words and actions. Tell her how beautiful she is; give her unexpected kisses; go out on regular dates; and for goodness sake, take out the trash without her having to ask you.
Don’t let minor issues chip away at your marriage. I know how much you hate it when people don’t put CDs or DVDs back in their cases after use. But making a big deal out of it is not healthy for your marriage. Express your concern, let it go, and never hold grudges. Remember that you also have faults that need to be forgiven or overlooked.
As soon as you can, find yourself a church and become an active member. I know that you won’t heed this advice for several years, but you will kick yourself for not doing it sooner. You will discover that building your marriage on a solid spiritual foundation will help you deal with the problems that will arise.
And speaking of problems, you will have a few of them during the course of your marriage. Job stress, family issues, and the pressures of life will weigh heavily on your relationship. Some of these issues will threaten to rip your marriage apart. You will feel pain, heartache, and you will want to throw in the towel. DON’T DO IT! Fight for your marriage with all of your heart, mind and soul. If you do, your relationship will be stronger and more fulfilling.
Finally, don’t be afraid to openly discuss sex with your wife. It may seem uncomfortable at times, but healthy sexual relations is an important part of having a successful marriage. If you fail to do this, you could become susceptible to all types of sexual temptation. Don’t give in. Always guard your heart.
If you heed this advice, you will experience a joy that will surpass the joy you feel today. Have a great life and “enjoy the wife of your youth.”
- Fred
Question: What advice would you give your newlywed self?
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