Hubby Loves to Hate Valentine’s Day
I kinda hate Valentine’s Day. OK, so there I admitted it.
When I was younger, I definitely had cupid envy. In middle school and high school, we used to have secret valentine deliveries, where a “special” boy could buy that “special” girl a “special” flower. Much to my disappointment, I was never that special – at least not to the boys in my school.
By college, things had changed. And on Feb. 14th, Cupid always delivered: chocolates, stuffed animals, flowers, you name it. I was living a romance novel, and I loved it.
I assumed that once I got married, these sweet days of expensive bouquets and candlelit dinners would continue. For the most part they did, just not on Valentine’s Day.
My husband, who also happened to be my college sweetheart, announced a few years ago that he “didn’t believe in Valentine’s Day” as if it were Santa and something that as you got older you got over. You can imagine my shock and awe. Surely now that I finally had a built in “special boy” to give me those “special flowers,” he was doggone gonna do it.
However, something about the compulsory nature of Valentine’s Day seemed to set my husband’s teeth on edge. He reasoned wouldn’t it be more romantic to send flowers when they were unexpected and not when the greeting card companies told him to. Of course, my answer was it would be more romantic to send it BOTH times. Somehow he wasn’t buying.
So after countless years of unmet expectations of rose petal covered stairways and champagne bubble baths, I am giving up on my little cherubic friend, but not on romance. I don’t need one day of the year for my husband to show he loves me as long as I feel like his “special girl” the other 364.
- Kim
Bah Humbug, Cupid!
I hear many men grumble about Valentine’s Day. They often say, “Why do I need a special occasion to show love for my wife? I do it every day.” I can relate to this grumbling because I’ve done my fair share of it. I guess you could call me a Valentine’s Day Scrooge. Bah Humbug, Cupid!
However, I realized that it’s much easier to rail about Valentine’s Day than it is to consistently express love the rest of the year. I often use 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 to measure how I’m expressing love for Kim. I replace the word love in the passage with my name:
Fred is patient, Fred is kind. Fred does not envy, Fred does not boast, Fred is not proud. Fred does not dishonor others, Fred is not self-seeking, Fred is not easily angered, Fred keeps no record of wrongs. Fred does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Fred always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Fred never fails.
After reading that passages, it is clear that Fred doesn’t always measure up. While it is easy to send an unexpected bouquet of flowers or buy a special gift, it is much more difficult to consistently meet my wife’s emotional needs in a way that is fulfilling and uplifting.
My son’s first grade teacher always encourages the kids to “fill each other’s buckets.” In other words, she wants them to build up their classmates with kind words, helpful deeds, and unselfish acts. In marriage, we must do a better job of filling each other’s buckets.
Although I despise the commercial aspects of the fake holiday, I’m not stupid. I know that Kim loves Valentine’s Day and all of the romance associated with it. Therefore, I buy the flowers, cook the candlelight dinners, and partake in the chocolate covered strawberries and champagne. But for the rest of the year, I will work on expressing love in a way that will make Hallmark envious.
- Fred
Question: What are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day?
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